Dear Katherine Hepburn,
Thank you for paying my student loan bill with your face, which I just sold on ebay for fifty-five dollars. 

Dear summertime,
Thank you for finally containing summer-like activities. At least in Ethan’s backyard, where we danced to John Prine songs on an uneven surface of creek rock, dripping cold-beer-can-sweat onto the tops of our feet, spinning and jumping perhaps a little too close to the fire pit. I promise that I kept one motherly eye on him while the other photographed Mikey from every angle.

Dear Lucero,
Thank you for coming back to Morgantown, where I might actually get to see you if these paper dolls keep selling and fate will allow. I love your whiskey and mountains voice, even if you are cocky.

Dear JK Rowling,
Thanks to you, I am going to be in grief counseling with Janet, Cooper, and Maggie at least. How does it feel to know that you are going to be torturing the very souls of MILLIONS? Maybe you really are evil.

Dear Mr. Iafrate,
Thank you for being one of those loathed people who has everything good happen to them with very little effort, because it’s rubbing off on me. I now have a GOOD summer job that I did not even have to apply for – it just fell into my lap. Also, you fell asleep face down on the floor behind me, and now the rest of your beer is getting warm. Wake up and drink up, son.

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