I think that ever since we’ve moved home I’ve had this nagging fear in the back of my brain that we’d just drift away from all of our good friends in Toronto, and that they’d forget about us, and that eventually we’d just never see them again. I know this isn’t true and it’s just a complex I have – it’s why, if we had a class or worked together six years ago I won’t say hi to you in Target because I just assume that YOU don’t remember ME, even though I remember kids who moved away from my town in grade two.

But, wonder of wonders, our friends do remember us and were above and beyond welcoming. I had no idea how much I really missed their stories and hugs and music and how much I was homesick for their kitchens and cooking and teapots. We had places to spend the night, places to take afternoon naps, we were fed, entertained, Mikey got school things accomplished, we had the perfect little compact stroller to use for the week (I really need to get one of those contraptions for when we’re traveling and have a backpack full of stuff to tote around every day in addition to a toddler), we had playdates and lots and lots of laughing. We talked about futures the past and Hazel was promised lots of “I’ll tell you about it when you’re older” stories. We trekked all over the city to see lots and lots of people and when we got tired of trekking we planted ourselves in a pub near John’s and everyone came to us. When Hazel started to melt down I took her the half block home to chill out and Mikey stayed for awhile longer visiting. I miss that sort of convenience of city life.

I want to go back soon. I wasn’t sure how well she’d handle the travel and the activity after six months of calm, slow West Virginia life (um, sort of), but she was a champ. She cried for ten minutes of the combined sixteen hours of driving. When we took her out to the bluegrass brunch at the Dakota Tavern on Sunday morning and then decided to stay for hours, she got tired and fell asleep in the ergo to the sounds of those boys singing just like she did when she was a baby. Because in case you hadn’t noticed, she’s not a baby anymore.

Sigh.

Listening: Hazel and Mikey chatting downstairs
(Hazel is) Reading: Green Eggs & Ham
(I am) Reading: new issue of Mothering
Working on: wedding jewelry and other custom jewels; furniture painting; new bead sorting; a new group blog; a million other things I need to catch up on

We’ve starting to seep in, a little bit, to this house that is not our house. It’s much more colorful. And it might almost be time to collect it all into boxes and go.

After topping off a bag of stuff for Goodwill yesterday, I went through our closet putting together outfits for the wedding festivities this weekend, and I ended up with another full bag to donate. I’m on a roll! Maybe I’ll be caught up the week after next, after we’ve gotten back from Toronto. The turnover rate of stuff entering and exiting our life, even since we unloaded the last uhaul, is astounding. Particularly because we DON’T SHOP. We know people who shop as a hobby and are constantly acquiring new and better things, and we’ve never done that in our entire adult lives. So why do I feel like we always get so much new (or newused) stuff between moves?

Week fourteen.

At this time tomorrow, we’ll be on our way to our beloved city. Friends, a wedding, music, playdates, chinatown beads (for a custom project and for my mom – I WILL control myself!), the dollarama, Tankhouse Ale… aahh! We’re coming back home next Wednesday. See you back here then :)

Listening: The Avett Brothers
(I am) Reading: just finished Jesus Land – brutal, and very good
(Hazel is) Reading: Gallop!

Week 13 – bag of stuff to Goodwill.

Hazel’s first collection. She almost always brings a little something home from a walk, after carrying it around the whole time and refusing to drop it to catch herself when she falls. How long will I keep these rocks and other bits of nature?

Aaaaanddddd… the April Spotted Box! A lot of people seem to think doing these sample boxes has become a waste of time / product / money, but this one has been featured in Mothering magazine a couple of times recently, so I was excited to take a gamble and try it again. Besides, sending in enough samples to get a full-sized box for yourself is totally worth it. My box contained stuff from:

Moonlodge Medicines
Small Wonders Wipes
Mama Marsh’s Creations
For Crying Out Loud
Polkadot Pickle
Monkey Butt Designs
Knot for Ewe
Happy Booty Boutique
Amy’s Blankies
FOE Your Diaper
Carver Creations
Sugar Chills
Cat and Ace Creations
Mama’s Bug A Boo
Southern Belle Charms
Wee Ones
Creative Cupcake
Frost Fish Cove Soaps
Joyful Rose
Lil’ Outlaws
Jenna E. Krueger
Custom Candy Creations

So many good creations! In addition to lots of generous gift certificates and discount codes, I got candy, stationery, accessories, body products, cloth diapering stuff (diaper stuff, cloth wipes and solution, diaper pail powder, etc.), craft supplies, a full sized bag of herbal infusion, nursing accessories, soaps, cleaning supplies… the whole box looks and smells overwhelmingly delicious!

I might do another one towards the end of summer, depending on when we move. It looks like the end is in sight, and we’ll be moving at the end of June or in September. We’ll know in… June. Eek! We’ll live with Mikey’s mom until next summer. Sound familiar? We’ve gone around and around and over and under and through it and temporary cohabitation seems like the only solution that will keep Hazel in full-time Mommycare and Mikey in full-time school mode. Those are the two most important things to us for the time being – not (gasp) living in a place of our own or avoiding more debt or any of that silly stuff. Hazel at home. Mikey working on his degree. Must. Finish. Phd. Must. Finish.

We really hope it happens in September and not June, because summer in Morgantown is fun. And summer up here on this mountain will be beautiful and shaded and relaxing. And we’re close to Pittsburgh, where Mikey just started recording a new record. And we’re close to university libraries. And it wouldn’t mean moving twice in seven months.

But… yesterday I packed a box. Just in case it’s June. Now I’m going to go see if the Budget Rentals giftcard that you can get for Coke points can be used on a moving truck and not just car rentals. Edit: you can’t, and two free magazine subscriptions is enough (for now!). I will use my points for ordering prints of photos :)

Listening: Belle & Sebastian
(I am) Reading: Jesus Land, which I’m having to take slow since it’s gut-wrenching
(Hazel is) Reading: Strega Nona
Working on: everything but preparation for a week in Toronto is at a halt

Today Hazel & Luca took turns crying to be held for two hours straight, and then half an hour before Angie got home from class they quit fussing and rewarded me with cute photos ops (and I didn’t even have my camera – had to use my phone). Kisses, cuddles, and repeated Luca-pushing-Hazel-into-the-wall-on-his-ride-on-toy-and-both-of-them-laughing-hysterically moments. The cute is too much to handle, and I am going to bed before midnight. The ratio of toddlers to energy drain is very obvious today…

…but man, are these cousins getting awesome.

A Janet-dance in our livingroom.

Easter day cuddles.

She’s come a long way from last summer.

Fists of rage – “let me in the street!!!!!” – and a much needed rest with Cana, who looks like her sister in this photo but is obviously not actually her sister.

Judah flips.

Hazey & her pals.

We love her!

Since Mikey and I still have some time before we have to decide what kind of “precedent” we’ll set in regards to an “Easter basket” for our children, and since Hazel’s first two Easters have come at a time of great discovery in her short little life, we’ve used it as an excuse to buy and make her things both years (i.e., totally spoil her with stuff, which we normally don’t do). Last year she had really just started playing with toys hardcore so she got a basket full of board books and little toys and her beloved silks. This year she is all of a sudden pretending and doing lots of outdoor things, so we filled her spring basket with outdoor toys and books and things for pretend. (Don’t worry, she’s not deprived of candy – she has lots of grandparents.)

I have had my eye on these eggs by Imagination Kids for awhile. I had a feeling she’d really like them. Whoa mama, did she like them. I didn’t think she’d ever get around to looking at the rest of what was in her basket. Can you tell she’s oozing excitement?

I made this little trio of bunnies from this free pattern on wee wonderfuls. They are made from fat quarters I received as part of a fabric exchange with friends, a remnant of fleece, and they are stuffed with bits of chopped up old tshirts (thus making them my new year’s resolution for the week, which I realize I’m WAY behind on). I’ll tell you, using a rotary cutter to, um, savagely destory several old tshirts was a very good release after WVU’s loss to Duke on Saturday night. My hands did not stop shaking the whole game so her bunnies are overall a little lumpy and imperfect, but the tshirt chopping – THAT I did very, very well. I love the weight the filling gives to them, too.

So, since I was getting caught up on resolutions, the other day it occurred to me to photograph this thing we do as I assembled one after putting away dry things from the kitchen drain basket. We got the idea from friends in Canada: we chop the tops off of soymilk / juice cartons as shown, scrub them out really well and then slide two together. They make perfect giant blocks like these, but not pretty. Hazel totally does not care that they aren’t pretty. I suppose someday she’ll make them pretty. You would not believe how sturdy these things are.

I get excited when I have a good repurposing resolution. I need to keep those going. I think that gets me caught up to the week before last. This whole week I’m playing catch-up with all kinds of stuff, so I’ll try to bring myself current. I do have a goodwill bag going but I haven’t dropped it off yet so it doesn’t count.

Listening: dog-scratching; husband-typing; CCR in my head; THUNDER!!! in my sky
(I am) Reading: The Poisonwood Bible
(Hazel is) Reading: Pond Circle
(Thinking about) working on: Hazel’s summer clothes – I should do this soon, right? All I’ve made are pajamas. She is living in skirts and capris from last year.

The Makery is a super-awesome little shop run by our friend Melissa. She has done such a good job with this place & it’s jam packed with treasures made by her and many, many other talented folks. Stay tuned for a photo of my gal in some goods from here when our tshirt weather returns in the next couple of days. When we walked into the store Melissa was playing country roads, just for us even though she didn’t know were coming.

WHY Louisville, another awesome shop full of their own screenprinted shirts, stickers, jewelry, and all kinds of stuff. We made Andy pose at his desk and pretend to be working. Notice the poptarts. This store makes me feel the need to restock my tshirt collection, starting with this one.

There is also this awesome record store, but I didn’t take any photos there.

Now I must go cook a delicious, nutritious, post-roadtrip-weekend supper of… veggie burgers and tater tots. Typo: poptarts. I’m not THAT tired.

Sorry for the disappearance – we made a secret trip to Louisville this weekend to surprise Andy, and I was afraid that he’d connect any little tiny mentions of anything and figure out we were coming so I didn’t warn you that I was about to go missing. Sorry VD, et. al.

We are currently in the ‘Burg for an extra night because our car needs a new thing-underneath-that-is-not-the-tailpipe-or-the-muffler-but-that-is-making-it-loud-because-it’s-broken. I don’t have my camera cord with me, but here are some things that are not photos:

- I love my brother from another mother, and so does Hazel, OH MAN so does Hazel. She loves her uncle like none other.

- I love my Cara – friend since birth, rarely seen since we both moved away from WV. Even an hour and a half laying on a hotel room bed chatting is great.

- I have spent hours and hours in the Etsy forums trying to get caught up on some SEO problems (maybe?) or some sitemap problems (maybe?) or some meta tag problems (maybe?) and trying to figure out what those things are and trying to figure out why we aren’t showing up in google and what to do about it if it’s something only we can fix and not EtsyCorp. Oy. I have either learned a lot or unlearned a lot – I’m not sure yet.

- One of my old Toronto coworkers bought a necklace from me and had no idea who she was buying from. Small world, eh?

- For some reason I have better luck at the Gabe’s in this town than anywhere else. I went to see if I could find some more of these 49 cent tulip tealight holders (fail), and since I had left Hazel with her papa and grandma I decided to look through the clothes. As in… clothes that are my size, not hers. I found an amazing 50s housewife dress for eight dollars. Amazing. Way too big for me, so I sent Maggie a frantic text & photo (so’s not to be one of those people talking on the phone in the dressing room) to see if she could help me take it in. She said yes, and I ran to the checkout line with a quickness. I can think of less than ten clothing items I have purchased for myself since Hazel was born, and man is this dress good. Just you wait. I love Gabe’s. I never would have been able to settle in Toronto without a Gabe’s – I can’t live without it. Erin and Andrea who? Foggy Hogtown what?

- I think there were other things, but right now I just want a bowl of Lucky Charms, which only happens on Plum Street.

(Just kidding about that other thing you know – I love Erin / Andrea / those boys way more than I love Gabe’s… way more than I love most things in life, in fact.)

1.) Maggie and I went thrifting – joy! I bought the $9.00 school desk I’ve been thinking about buying for two weeks. Also found: icons and oldtime music books for Mikey, some yum fabric, a Billie Holiday record, and two glass canisters for treasures. A morning well-spent.

2.) My mom came over so that Mikey and I could simultaneously leave Hazel for the first time. He played a show – it was a must. I’m sure it would have happened sooner than 17 months old if Hazel had spent her first 13 months around her grandparents more than once every few months, and if she hadn’t spent her last three snowed in away from them all the time, but here it is – 17 months old and we’d never been out together alone. Not that we never went out – we just took her everywhere. I don’t know how she would have fared at one month old or five or ten or thirteen… but at seventeen months old she didn’t shed a tear and went to sleep on her Grandma’s shoulder without a fuss. Liberating! The show was really good – lots of people that I love and have missed were there. Who cares if my eyeballs and throat still hurt from the cigarette smoke (3.5 years of smoke-free bars, I’m not used to this).

3.) Lots and lots of time outside in the beautiful weather with my pretty little Bitty.

Listening: Iron & Wine
(I am) Reading: The Poisonwood Bible
(Hazel is) Reading: The Peace Book
Working on: spotted box; bunnies; custom jewels

Even though that seems to be the case, it is not. Just to clarify…so when I say, “I love my family” you don’t think I mean his iphone, too. Because I really don’t. But when I say something like “tonight I took a walk with my family” or “tonight I ate dinner with my family”, that does include The Other Woman. It’s a very fine line, really.

I love my family.

(But not that other woman.)

Can I just tell you what Hazel is wearing in that photo? A 3-6 month skirt that she’s been wearing for a year. And beads that she took from around my neck on St. Patrick’s day and has yet to return. I am monumentally excited that she likes beads. Gabe’s has a set of chunky Melissa & Doug lacing beads for $5.99 and I very nearly bought them for Hazel today because I’ve been waiting, waiting for her to care about beads.

But I didn’t. I have to pay our cell phone bill. Adding another member to your family is pricey enough to make a $5.99 toy seem like a huge extravagance.

Other things, lately, seem that way – and not because of our cell phone bill (which is definitely a HUGE extravagance that I never would have foreseen – but here we are). Mainly because, you know, we don’t so much have jobs and are trying very very hard to make our money L-A-S-T so Mikey can get as much school work done as possible – while also keeping Hazel out of daycare – before one of us has to find gainful employment besides Etsy and babysitting and such. Not paying any rent is very helpful with this endeavor. And also because I have simultaneously been thinking about two things a lot lately. Not so much worrying about them, just thinking. Thinking about how for the next X number of years we will be – at once – paying off debt from our own four university degrees and trying desperately to save enough for our kids’ future degrees. Especially any sons that we may have, because if we read them The Butter Battle Book enough times they might not be eligible for any kind of government financial aid, if you know what I mean.

So there’s also that.

I guess the big questions are: can I make it basically the rest of my life without buying bubble bath, Coke and flavored coffee (still indulging in those two), contact lenses, razor blades and everything else that I truly do not need?

Could the two liter in our pantry be the last one I ever buy? Of course. I would be without my #1 on a very short list of simple, instant pleasures – it would be much more delicious as a treat on a road trip or from some friend’s fridge, as I know from many previous Coke-fasts. Coffee? Yes – I’ve only been drinking that stuff every morning since the first snow-in. I might not want it on warm mornings anyway. I have not bought bubble bath since I was pregnant. I am out of contacts and do not see myself (har har) spending money on them anytime soon because I have perfectly functional glasses. I’m on my last razor blade and hate buying them so much that I might just stop shaving my legs.

I think by the time Hazel is old enough to start asking for some Coke when I pour a glass for myself (SOON), we’ll stop keeping it in the house, so that will be easy. I guess get what I can now, sneaking hits of it here and there, every time I get in the car it seems, a nice big dose at the end of the day, kind of like Mikey’s Other Woman.

Do I stop shaving my legs, though? It gets so itchy.